


Snaley Goes to McDonald's

by HerbalBerbal



Category: OMORI (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Gen, McDonald's, Post-True Ending, Vague OMORI Spoilers, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 09:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29872839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerbalBerbal/pseuds/HerbalBerbal
Summary: This is my first fic, just dipping my toes into this kind of stuff.Don't take this too seriously, for your own sake.I think this might be the worst thing I have ever created.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	Snaley Goes to McDonald's

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, no, this is the worst thing I have ever created.

It had been about a week since Omori had vanished. Nobody in Headspace knew where he went, or why he would even leave in the first place. Things seemed generally less eventful since his disappearance, and while life had largely continued as normal for everyone, it was evident that Headspace's crown jewel was missing.

Naturally, rumors spread like wildfire. Some theorized that he was kidnapped by an evildoer or slain in the line of battle, while others wondered if he had simply left Headspace behind entirely of his own volition. The more far-gone of Headspace's residents believed he was abducted by aliens, and a handful presumed that he had joined the space pirates after Sweetheart divorced Captain Spaceboy, which would explain the latter's disappearance as well.

Truly, most everyone who had been affected by Omori in some way, shape, or form wondered what happened to their dearest friend (or enemy, in some cases).

Snaley, however, hadn’t a care in the world. At the moment, he had bigger fish to fry. After being burnt to a crisp by electricity, falling into a well, being swallowed by a whale, then falling into a river of bodily fluids, he had worked up an appetite (which surprised even Snaley himself; he had nearly lost his lunch inside of that glorified dungeon of a marine mammal). Before he would get food, though, he decided that it would be in his best interest to leave the Underwater Highway.

Snaley hailed a taxi to return to the Underwater Highway's entrance, and began the arduous climb up the well's ladder. Due to his lack of proper arms, it was more of a struggle for him than most. As he climbed to the top, he thought of places to go for food. He could’ve gone to the Mustard Sub next to the Underwater Highway, but he wasn’t exactly in the mood to hear people singing while he was eating. Perhaps he could buy some food from that guy in the mailbox? No, no, too shady… Maybe an opportunity for food would simply present itself after he got out of the well.

He continued upward, seeing the light at the top get closer. It nearly blinded him after being submerged in the ocean for so long. He took a moment to rest before resuming the latter half of his climb.

As Snaley finally made it out of the well, he found a small piece of paper duct taped to the side of the well. He grabbed it with his mouth and peeled it off of the well, dropping it onto the ground so he could read what it said. His eyes scanned the paper, reading it aloud.

“Cheeseburgers now 5 clams off at McDonald’s!” Lo and behold, scrawled in poor handwriting, his prayers were answered! There was a rather poorly drawn map in the bottom right corner of the paper, but it gave him a solid enough sense of direction as to the location of the McDonald’s. He picked up the paper again and began the trek to McDonald’s from the well, dropping it every so often to make sure he was moving in the right direction.

\---

Eventually, Snaley arrived at McDonald’s. As he strode through the doors, he glanced around. There wasn’t much going on. It made enough sense, considering that there was such little advertisement aside from a few pieces of paper duct taped to various obscure locations. Honestly, he never remembered there being a McDonald’s in Headspace, but he passed it off as simply being constructed recently.

Snaley noticed a somewhat suspicious-looking janitor with a strangely long mop and long gray hair. He could have sworn he recognized the man. He shook it off and walked up to the counter, staring at the cashier. They had bags under their cold, unfeeling eyes and seemed tired at just a glance. Teenagers always creeped Snaley out.

“Hello, welcome to McDonald’s, how may I take your order?” The cashier mumbled.

“I’d like one cheeseburger, and…” Snaley thought for just a moment. “A water cup, please.”

“... Is that all?” The cashier stared at Snaley, catching on to what he was doing the moment he asked for a water cup. Snaley simply nodded, smiling.

“... That’ll be 10 clams.” The cashier stated, narrowing their eyes. Snaley happily tossed the clams onto the counter, though not exactly in the most graceful manner. The cashier grabbed the clams, counted them, and put them into the cash register.

After a few minutes, the cashier handed Snaley a burger. They then slid him a water cup, giving him a death stare. Snaley could feel the beads of sweat forming on his forehead. Holding the water cup in his mouth and holding the burger on the top of one of his feet, he hobbled over to the soda machine, and just as he was about to fill the cup with Sprite, he heard someone shout at him.

“SIR! You can’t use the soda machine for a water cup!” Snaley whipped around. The janitor. If Snaley played his cards wrong, who knew what that guy would do to him with his mop? Maybe he should just play dumb. Yeah, playing dumb was by far his best bet at this point.

“What do you mean? I was just getting water!” Snaley dismissed the janitor, but he wasn’t having any of it.

“You were holding the cup under the Sprite dispenser. Sprite isn’t water,” The janitor retorted, “And don’t even say it’s like spicy water, because I’ve heard that one more times than I could possibly count on my fingers.” Snaley thought for a moment before shuffling away from the soda machine. The janitor just rolled his eyes. “I’ve got my eye on you…”

As soon as the janitor turned away, Snaley rushed back over to the soda machine and filled the water cup with Sprite. He quickly shuffled to the door, attempting not to spill the sugary carbonated goodness.

Unfortunately, that one didn’t get past the janitor. He slid in front of Snaley before he could get to the exit. It was at this moment that Snaley got a good view of the janitor’s name tag. His eyes widened.

_ Sephiroth. _

Snaley was sweating more than the cup containing the ice-cold refreshment he was so gracefully holding with his mouth. Sephiroth removed the handle of the mop, revealing the hilt of a sword. Sephiroth slowly unsheathed the Masamune, the sun hitting the blade and reflecting with an intense glare, nearly blinding Snaley. Sephiroth smirked, fully revealing his weapon.

“You aren’t going anywhere but six feet under without paying for that refreshing drink of Sprite.” Sephiroth laughed vehemently. Snaley, due to his lack of arms, was very quick on his feet. He splashed the Sprite in Sephiroth’s face. The one-winged angel’s face darkened as he immediately swung his blade at Snaley, cutting into him.

Thankfully, the injury was fairly minor, so he could still move. Snaley leapt back, hoping to evade whatever attack Sephiroth was going to throw at him next. Unfortunately for Snaley, his next attack was a nigh perfect counter to his evasive maneuver. Sephiroth lunged forward, stabbing Snaley quickly and with immeasurable force. Snaley yelped as he was impaled. Sephiroth just smiled.

“Look at you… This could’ve been avoided if you just paid for the Sprite.” Snaley scowled as Sephiroth said those words. He decided it was finally time to use his special attack, taught to him by his father’s uncle’s great grandfather’s cousin, seven times removed.

The top of Snaley’s head flipped open, and he lowered his head. Sephiroth knew exactly what Snaley was doing. For the first time in his life, Sephiroth was afraid.

\---

  
  


Kel sat on an empty picnic blanket in Otherworld, staring at a large television. Unfortunately, the cartoons he so enjoyed weren’t being cast, but instead there was a newsflash. At the very least, it was interesting.

Apparently, a laser shot through the wall of a McDonald’s. A pile of ash and a sword was found nearby, as well as a crater in the middle of the main room, but whether or not it was related to the laser was seemingly unknown. A cashier that was on the scene when the wall had been destroyed didn’t have much to say, aside from one thing; “Please, don’t use water cups to get soda. Please. We don’t need another incident like this happening, or it’ll be really bad for our PR.” Kel watched attentively, not because he cared about what the cashier was saying, but because he was hoping that what PR was would be explained. Unfortunately for Kel, it wasn’t. Guess he’d just have to ask Hero about that one later.

For now though, he felt like getting some Orange Joe. Maybe he’d hit up that new McDonald’s that opened. He always felt cool when he filled water cups with soda.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this sucks or anything, it's my first fic.


End file.
